A Night in the Life of a Chronic Dreamer…

Well, if I ever thought blogging about my dreams would automatically lead to a natural diminishment in ongoing material, I was definitely worrying needlessly if last night is anything to go by… In the space of just 11 short hours, somehow my manic subconscious managed to come up with all of the below – and those are just the ones I actively remember…

Dreaming that John Alford of 1990s Grange Hill / London’s Burning fame took part in a reality TV show to land him a “real” job now that his acting career has long since dived. I actually ended up getting annoyed that (presumably whoring themselves out to reality TV) Sainsburies actually fast-tracked him as “management material”, when in fact he is really just a has-been child actor who fucked up his career by dealing coke to a journalist and was too dim to get any proper qualifications via his elite Grange Hill private tuition (I know this because in a fit of nostalgia I recently watched this on Youtube, and he definitely wasn’t the sharpest knife in the box even back then – ah bless little Zammo though).

Dreaming that a red pool of dark blood starting seeping through the bathroom wall of the house I was renting on holiday in Africa with my brother, while outside new waves of blood were streaming by so frequently that we actually had to jump between them to stop getting our feet all bloodied. We later found out that the rivers of blood resulted from massacres between two warring African tribes (the Bwana and the Tutsis), who were mutually macheting each other to death down river. Daniel and I as the only mzungus on the ground were dispatched to reestablish order, which involved failed attempts at inter-tribal mitigation and flying on mattresses dispatching food parcels over the newly thrown up refugee camps on either side. Eventually we were flown out by the British government, both traumatized by the scenes of human barbarity and sheer depravity we had witnessed and utterly despairing about the current state of much of sub-Saharan Africa. Imperialistic you say? 1994 Rwandan genocide demonstrates otherwise, me thinks.

Dreaming that I watched an episode of eighties classic cartoon, My Little Pony, in which one little pony is happily living by herself in a little house on the moon, with only couple of mute punctuation marks with legs (which, apparently, also reside on the moon) for company, but is persuaded to go back down and live in My Little Pony land by some other interfering little ponies who don’t think it’s healthy to live such an isolated existence. Put up in a room in the mansion of one of the other do-gooder pony’s benevolent fathers (do the dads get called My Big Stallions I wonder…??), despite her best efforts the moon little pony just can’t seem to integrate into normal equine society – she just isn’t able to socialize normally or perform simple day-to-day transactions like going shopping or ordering food, gets freaked out by scary public transport systems and busy roads, and inadvertently frustrates the very busy-body ponies who brought her down there in the first place by failing to conform to their condescending expectations of how an individual should behave and what constitutes an appropriate lifestyle choice. In the end it’s agreed that she should go back to her solitary life on the moon, only to find that her lunar-located house has been re-leased in her absence, and she has to agree to a monthly rent hike in order to move back in.

And some quickie recollections:

Driving a car remotely via internet, but having the internet crash on me, in turn causing a (luckily comparatively minor) car crash.
Getting an unexpected parcel delivered full of lots of original Garfield comics and toy jelly monsters, and being pretty jolly pleased about it.
Having my little flat being bombasted by tennis ball sized hailstones.
Hearing my doorbell ring and finding a big scary 6 foot Czech Frankenstein type lady at the door, and screaming.

No wonder I always find it so bloody difficult to get up in the morning with eventful nights like these!!!